Bare Beginnings II

Seems it’s been a while I was here! Feels good though. Same old me with some new escapades. I was not lost but then I didn’t get the chance to venture into one of my favourite escapes. Don’t know where to start and what to write as my mind is going through a myriad range of emotions. But yes, there are lot’s of things to write and I shall again head to this escape of mine, soon! For everything else, there is Himalayas. 

Last few days have been emotionally grinding or rather drenching. I was hoping to start the new year on a happy note, just like the way I have been since last 6 years. I remember, 2011 was one year I wanted to get rid of in hurry. It came with a lot’s of hiccups but then it gave me many savouring memories as well. Last 5 years been very rewarding though (I shall come back soon to reveal some tiny details about them). But then yes, 2017 so far has tested my patience like never before but at the same time, taking all the positives out of it, I stand here…Upbeat! Spirited!

Just to kick start and break the shackles I’m jotting down these words. 2011 to 2016 to 2017 …it’s been a great transition. Let me tell you a few things that inspired this journey but with a warning that I can draw inspiration from tiniest or strangest of things and I am glad, I can. 

July 2011, it was the beginning of my fightback as I saw a struggling Indian Cricket Team going down. What inspired me there was a gentleman named Rahul Dravid who stood still in between all the ruins and defied defeat as long as possible. Talk about patience, perseverance and focus or may be poise, grace and determination? Talk about this man. I knew I could never replicate his cricketing talent or feats but I also knew what I could learn from him. 

August 2011, Jill! Her arrival changed many things as I found a new meaning of the word Zeal. 

November 2011, the Movie Rock Star and it’s Music. I was reading an interview by A.R. Rahman where he mentioned how he struggled to get the Music right as it had a lot of pain involved. It was about how he drenched himself emotionally to get the Music right. Talk about passion? Then talk about this man. Ever since it’s been ‘Sadda Haq Aithe Rakh’ and ‘Nadan Parinde’. 

December 2011, another incident of Indian Test Team struggling. This time it was Australia. India lost 0-4 and ended the year 0-8. What was positive there was a man named Mahendra Singh Dhoni. Talk about staying calm, staying composed and dealing all the pressure of a losing team and being aggressive? Talk about this man. He’s someone very contemporary, yet I look upto him for being level headed and witty at the same time. 

Probably all these won’t make any sense to many of us, but then I think a few would take the positives out of this just like I did. The journey of last 5 years have been very intriguing also very very struggling at times. It’s not so easy to be 'Arpan' (A few would surely understand what I mean here). 

Today as I start 2017 on a happy note, I would like to thank every person I’ve come across, the good, the bad and the ugly, the old and the new ones. Also the ones who came with vested benefits and the ones who came and stayed back forever. Thanks to every organisation I have been a part of, Enajori, Metropolis, Photography Club of Assam, WildTrail for being the integral part of this journey. I must mention, Muse & Memories, my teammates both past and present, it’s because of you all MnM is spreading happiness today. Keep shining in all you do. 

As I promise to keep coming back to write a few (mis)adventures, I hope that the days to follow will have bright lights ahead and life will keep smiling at us in all we do and deserve, here’s to a Happy 2017. 

Unleash! Let’s celebrate all we have and say yes to ‘Life’! 

...onset of a story

They say each friend represents a world in us! A statement we all can vow for and have experienced throughout our lives. Little did we knew this the first time we four met, that someday we all will be a part of something that will be probably a topic of mass affection, love and discussion ( for good reasons of course).  And as every story has a story behind it, here is my part of the story...

When we met for the first time, all we had in common is the passion for photography and the hunger to make it bigger. And what we had uncommon was lot’s of if’s and buts’, different backgrounds and different genres (of photography). I clearly remember the conversation I had with Nandini during the Wall Art Project for Metropolis’13. We had a deal, that if I get any Fashion related query I shall forward it to her and if she gets any Travel related query she will forward it to me.

Then a few things happened coincidentally. A friend calling me from Delhi to ask about a good Wedding Photographer in Guwahati, Nandini uploading photographs of a wedding they were covering in Golaghat at the same time, and that smile saying, aah! My friends (acquaintance then) are so talented and the lazy me deciding right then to meet up, discuss and plan if we can do something together. By then it was in first week of February ’13. Soon, three of us met (Me, Rejaul, Nandini) and tried to decide on something, Rj (our little Rup) entered the scene but one question still remained, what we are going to do. One thing we were sure that it is going to be something with photography, but what? Again four different people, different genres and one common passion! Photography? Ok, Final! What next? Who will do what? If Nandini, Rejaul and Rj are comfortable shooting people, or with people around, I prefer shooting in a calm environment. So? Finally we zeroed into a plan. Nandini will shoot Fashion & Wedding. Rejaul will shoot Wedding and Concerts. Rj will shoot Wedding. I will shoot Products and Concerts.

Next Step! Probably the most rigorous phase of this story! What will be the name? We tried to search small words, to be paired as two which will be easy to remember and have resemblance with what we do. Many words were taken into account, but again the fact that four us will work in different genres made our task quite tough. Finally we zeroed into the words Muse & Memories for it being easy to remember, easy to pronounce (ask us how tough it is!) and for both the words having relevance with our work.  If the word ‘Muse’ would reflect something that we want to ponder or that would reflect on something we do, then every wedding, fashion portfolio, product or concert we will shoot,  will be our muse, the word ‘Memories’ would always keep people feel special with the memoirs they have with them as photographs.

Then came the moment of creating the identity! It all happened suddenly, in the evening we finalised the name, and by night I created logo options. And by next evening we finalised and agreed to disagree that we will have two logos, as two of us liked one and other two liked the other one. That was the inception of Muse & Memories. And the rest is a fairytale!

The making of Muse & Memories was one fun part, we agreed, we disagreed, we agreed to disagree and vice versa. We still do, at times we are so rigid and times soft. We fight with each other, we fight for each other. We laugh, we cry together and most of all we love and celebrate what we are and what we do. From the very first like on our page to the 6000^th (probably we already have added many more till now and we want it to keep adding), every single like means a lot. Every single message we got from you, every call we received; every smile we could feel when we say, “yes! we are available.” or every disappointment you have shown when we say, “sorry! we are booked.”, made our journey so unforgettable. The journey started by we four, is today companioned by a 6000 plus more.

And as we turn One today, thank you for the warmth and love you have shared back. Thank you for believing in us, for making us a part of your life, your memories and Thank you for making us, Muse & Memories, what we are today. So, we Dream On and wish to continue what we love to do, creating memories and spreading smiles the Muse & Memories way! 

The Big Leap!

Questions!!! Questions I ask myself, questions others make me think about.

Am I Good? Am I Bad? Is my work hated? Is my work loved?

It’s obvious; we try to imitate others, whoever they are. We fear elimination, we also fear being mocked. Definitely, may be, the scariest thing in the world, is to love yourself; to believe enough in who you are to stand tall and proud and to tell the world, 'hey, this is who I am’.

They say, ‘Hold the vision, Trust the process!’ and while all these apprehensions tried to cloud my mind, I silently kept pushing myself, to my own limits. Then came the time for the big leap and back were the questions. Am I good enough? Am I ready? Being me, even though I kept my calm, I also wanted the answer. The big leap should be big enough and also timely. The brainstorming during this phase was actually more mind-numbing than walking in the wild with the backpack. But then, I came out smiling, well I don’t know, its strange feeling. It’s that happy feeling which will not let me sleep; will not calculate my dreams and won’t let me limit myself. This feeling is something that will linger with me for a long long time.

And while I celebrate this little success of mine, I also want to make sure to thank each and everyone who made this journey wonderful. Yes, I’m no celebrity and neither I have a podium for a speech, all I have is a heart filled with gratitude and a promise to be better in due time. Though a plain ‘thank you’ is not enough, am honoured to be blessed with the best bunch of people.

Probably I’ll play safe here and won’t mention names; you people anyways know whom I mean. Firstly, thank you almighty, for the wonderful gift of nature and for blessing me with my best bunch. This is for you my little angels, Jill, Mamunu, Pakhi, Barbie, Buki, Suki, Tora and Jiya for being my dream catchers, for I could look up to you, smile and set sail for new dream. Dita, Maa, Baa, Sasanka Da for all your love and support, for never stopping me from going to any trip and for always welcoming me home with a smile and the eagerness to see what I was up to. Also sorry, for the all your altered plans because of my travel schedules. Cousins, Family Members, thank you for being there and also understanding my absence during family functions! For you, friends in Pune, who made this effort more winning, it was because of you all, everything went so smoothly. Each and every one of my Pune friends, roommates, seniors, juniors, I wish you all were there. Pune was not the same without you people around. For you, my school friends, where ever you are. For you friends in Assam and other parts of North East, friends in Delhi (East, West, North, South, Gurgaon, and Noida), Bangalore, Kolkata, Mumbai and every other part of India, friends in US, UK, UAE, Singapore and everywhere else. Thank you for your companionship, your stamina, your wisdom and the smiles, delivered right at the doorstep. Thank you everyone in the photography fraternity, elders, friends and young ones, for all those awe inspiring clicks of yours. For you, my partners in creative crime, for all the fun time, it’s actually fun to commit those crimes with you guys around. My gang, as I call it, thank you for always egging me up, for all the love, and sorry for you had to face the wrath of seeing every click, and to answer stupid options I used (which I will continue)  to give for selecting photographs. And off course, my ‘Bachha Party’, thank you for all the liveliness, the love you spread around. For all my critique, without your valuable words, my work would have been incomplete, thank you! And last (also the least), big thank you to all you people (you know whom I mean) out there, (I know, am not meant to say negative things here), this is for you, for all your mockeries, for all your behind the back discussions, and for your belief that I’m actually nothing. I won’t claim, I’m the best, but yes, I’m something.

Thanks are in order, thank you everyone who flocked in to the exhibition, everyone who couldn’t coz of geographical limitations, everyone who stayed glued for the tiniest update, everyone in the media, everyone at Grubshup, for making things so comfortable. Thank you everyone for making this journey of last one and half year so memorable. While the feeling of contentment refuses to fade away and I’m almost about to leave for my next voyage, take a bow! 

Citing Sublimity!

Singing, working, walking, dreaming, laughing, learning! Life is always about running madly, in a crowded schedule, into a confined enclosure.

Everyone sees, whom I appear to be, but only an odd few know the real me. Everyone see only what I choose to show.  There’s so much into my life, where I celebrate me, a world, far from the madding crowd, far from the stardom. Only a few friends, conversations and lot’s of untold fables.

Operation Pendulum

Quite often I have faced this question, about me being calm, patient and me facing almost every situation with a wide smile. Today, am on my way to reveal that secret of mine, also a little tribute on my part to the man to whom I owe this quality. A man admired and idolised by a huge part of the world for some other quality he acquires, I opted his patience to be admired (I do admire his most known quality too and believe I can remotely be an ounce of what he acquires).

It was not very long ago, I was very young then. There was arrogance in all I do, and there was impatience and impertinence. I remember that day very clearly, January 17, 1997, one of the most special days of my cricket playing days.  It was a match day as we call it. We were divided into two teams to play against each other for selection purpose. And before going into the match, it was made clear to me, however good or bad I perform, my selection is impossible, I was ripped of my wicketkeeper’s slot, asked to vacate my no 3. position and bat down the order to make things more clear. A lot of things were running in my mind, I didn’t know, what was the feeling, all I knew is, I have to go in and play. At the end of the opposition innings, we were needed to score 173 runs within a day and a little to bat on.  Our innings started, and within 7 over’s we were reduced to 28 for 2 wickets.  And that same moment, my impatience erupted again, so much so that I went in to bat without even looking at who is in next. Thankfully we tackled the rest of the day without any further damage, and I could remember the ball hitting me twice on my wrist, the pain (it was a January afternoon) and the tough looks at the dressing room.  The pain was horrible, and the discussions were such that I would not go in to bat the next day because am injured. At that point of time, I started to think the same.

And that was day, while at home, I put on the television, I saw a legend emerging to trigger a change of scenario of Indian Cricket for next decades to come.  That was the second day of 3^rd Test between India and South Africa being played at Johannesburg. I saw a gentleman named Rahul Dravid, scoring a patient; gritty and hardworking 148 against a scintillating South African pace attack and change my life forever. For I started to believe in the power of patience and hard work. Next day was my day probably (not talking about my heroics here). I headed to the dressing room, padded up, and yes waited for my batting partner to get ready (one thing I never used to do before!) and went out to bat. We batted the whole day, sailing towards the target, and to my awe I never attacked the ball, even if it was a wayward one. And just when we needed 3 runs, my excited batting partner came up to me and said, “It’s your game mate, hit it!!!” It was only then, I gathered all my strength and hit a stellar six. And as I saw some of my young teammates running towards me, I stood my ground, strangely, for a person known for his after match reactions, screams and antics.  Later, when we all walked backed to the dressing room; I saw tough looks being changed to its smoother replica. I packed my kit, looked at the celebrating team and walked away holding my head high, and promised myself to never enter that particular dressing room ever. And that was the beginning of what I am today, patient and calm.

I don’t know, if someone whom we have never met, or have a very remote probability of meeting in this life can ever change someone’s life forever. But this gentleman named Rahul Dravid unquestionably did change my life forever. Take a bow Sir! Probably you played a pauper when the Prince was roaring, played the second boy of Indian Cricket when the God of Cricket was hitting them to the stands and played the second fiddle when the Very Very Special was building monuments, but for me you are a true hero, not only for all the cricketing skills you master and your contribution to Indian and World Cricket, but for all the times of patience, consistency and calmness, for all the times I could look up to you and regain my self belief. Take a bow Sir!

P.S. I’m sure, the ‘my story’ part of this write up is very confusing. What I want to denote through this is not my heroics but a small message that actually inspiration can be gathered from anyone and anywhere. We just have to look around to see it smiling at us.

The Unnoticed Tales!

Study while others are sleeping, work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing ~~ William Arthur Ward

The after effects of the year 2011 are yet to fade. I waited and waited long for that ripple, that little shift that would help me get back on track. And one fine day, when this opportunity knocked I actually had that apprehension whether I could do justice to the task I’m assigned. For a social animal like me, it was tough to stay away from any public appearance for 3 months. Karbi Youth Festival turned out to be a life changing experience for me. When I was asked to join the team as one of the official photographers I was both excited and nervous at the same time. Only thing that came to my mind is, I need to do well, if not for me, then for the people who wants me to do good. And to my awe, I actually did a good job. And as I am no celebrity, I don’t have a podium to address a crowd and thank the people who stood by me, all I would like to say is my world is a beautiful place because of you all, only a mere ‘thank you’ is not enough to express what you people mean to me. I won’t say this is the best I can do, but with you people around I can always compete myself.  One unnoticed tale of my life and I vow, it won’t go unnoticed.

This is for you Santanu, Kasturi, Angana, for being there during tough times. I still remember the day when I dropped my camera and every word you said to make me calm down, remember how you people pepped me up saying positive things. Santa, I wish you were there beside me clicking all those amazing memories. Kastu, Angu...I have no words to appreciate the angelic ways you cared for me.  This is for you Ranjan, for believing in my abilities and going ahead with my plans. Together we’ll weave many more dreams. This is for you Him, for being there always in your own ways. This is for you Audi, I still remember that chat we had at the Brahmaputra riverside and you were so clear always that you wanted me back on track. For you Achyut, while you are busy thanking others for liking your work, I thank you for all those inspiring clicks of yours. For you Jumi, for all those awe inspiring chats we had. For you Kaku, for you always wanted the smiling me back, and here I am. Remember, you promised a photo shoot of you and Jiya. For you Sima, situations made me so reluctant of making any public appearance that I missed your Big Day. I can’t compensate for that, but then I know, you would understand my plea. For you Alok, Pallav... many things would not have been possible without you two around. For you Kulajit, Krishanu, Bhavita, Sakshi, Shweta and Kalyan. I remember Kalyan saying, “naya chonga (lens) liya hain, agar photo kharab ayaa, toh chonga le lunga.” For you my partners in creative crimes Rassmin Da, Bhaskar, Bitupon, Sudipto, Sweta. For you Palki, Pallavi, Pallabi(Maina) for always inducting the faith in me, for being tough when I was stupid and for all the care you have shown. For you Jipi, Liza...for I can always look up to you and you whisper the reality to me. For you Yashomana, for all those did you get my mail? Did you check the photos? Are they good? And for always coming up with an inspiring reply. For you Pallabi (Siku), for all the fables and conversations. I can’t hate destiny more for allowing me to spend so less time with you ‘soul sister’.

...and to all of u people who loved my work, inspired me and also criticised me when needed! You people make me what I am.

Mud and Glory

So the first quarter of the year 2012 is already gone, and as usual I’m not up to the promise I made myself, that I’ll make sure to write at least a note every month. Finally it’s time to jot down what made my 2011 memorable and not so memorable.

Oh!! What a roller coaster ride it was! Another year is gone by in a whim. It is actually amazing, to see where life makes you stand at different times, seems like sci-fi movie. In a moment you are here, in a moment you are gone. It takes a fraction of a second to turn super zero from super hero. So much so like our Indian Cricket Team. We bleed blue, when they brought the World Cup home, and when they toured England/Australia and lost, it was again the same us, who wrote them down. It is indeed the sarcasm of human life, Mud and Glory; both are integral and corresponding part of our life. The year 2011 was more of low than the high. At times life appeared to be so empty, I’ve learned how it feels to hit rock bottom and still push hard to survive. As if life is a patch of quicksand, the more I tried to come out, and the more it gulped me in. Time, things, people never seemed to be cascading. Thoughts strayed, questions unanswered.

But consequently, there is also a good side of it. May be not in the best order, but things happened.

There are many people I need to thank for last year’s journey, without you people around it would have been more uneven.

Thank you Kulajit, Krishanu, Bhabita, Shweta, Sakshi & Kalyan. Minutes turned into hours, and hours into day, days into month. Never knew, time could fly so fast. Courtesy you people! Leg pulling sessions, movies and off course a thousand unexecuted plans became part of life. Thank you Kasturi, Santanu, Angana, Kalyan, Achyut, Kaku, Himjyoti, Maina Da. All the rooftop parties, the conversations, the cooking sessions, the laugh riot, pranks, photo sessions made my Delhi stay real special. Jumi, Audi your presence was royally missed. Love you all! Thank you Jiya. Can’t thank and love you enough angel, surely you are one. It was only after talking to you; I could complete my project on the stipulated timeline.  Wish I could spend more time with you. Thank you Mukuta. For being the silence on my bad days and my raving fan on my good days. Thank you Tusti. Loved calling you ‘Puwali’ and glad to see you grow up, also learned that I should not hide behind my smile often. Thank you Sneha. Tikli, that’s what I call you. But most of the time, it was you, who guided me like an elder sis. Thank you for being the illumination whenever I needed. Thank you Pallabi for making me believe that I could tell stories that people would want to hear. My creativity may have strayed, but at least the writer in me is still on pursuit. Thank you Pallavi for all the pep talk, food talk, unending chats, laugh riot and off course the odd tough words to push me forward. Thank you Alok, Anannya, Debasish, Debarsish, Liza, Jipi, Sima, Mitu, Pallav, Siba, Sang, Plabita, Palki, Bhaskar, Bitupon, Shamim, Sweta. Can’t thank you enough my lazy angels, my punching bags and what not. You people always let me see myself through you. Loved looking back at you. Thank you Baa, for blessing us with Jill. It’s amazing to see you taking care of your bundle of joy with so much love and care. Thank you Ritu. For all the support and encouragement, because of you DEF happened to me. How can I forget my ‘Baccha Party’! Thank you Babu, Bablu, Nayana, Sanskriti, Abhinab, Augustya, Nandita & Gargee. You people never failed to make me feel young. Loved being your cook.

Under the circumstances, best wishes hardly seem enough. Thanks are in order. Thank you for your companionship, for your stamina, your wisdom, and a hundred and one laughs. I also enjoyed looking back at you and your shining face.

Never was so excited to let go something. 2011, now that you are finally gone, along with all the hiccups, you also gave some savouring memories. Hope the days to follow will have bright lights ahead and life will keep smiling at us in all we do and deserve. Grateful for my family, for my true friends and for all the love I receive. So much more than I deserve, or can ever repay. Happy 2012.

Of A Delight And Missing It!

“Ah, music. A magic beyond all we do here!”  ~~ A Dumbledore

Power? Checked! Cable? Checked! Instruments? Checked! Sound? Checked! Monitor? Checked! 1, 2, 3 ...Go!

How can I forget this journey, we started at count 3? Despite all the hiccups, technical or human faults it was always fun and memorable. It is magic, it is celestial! It’s beyond what we humans do. It’s timeless, it’s endless and it’s immortal.

For me, it’s a delight. I always loved being there, whenever I got a chance.  I relish being on board. I somehow felt that divine intervention. So much so that I don’t even remember being nervous. Yes, that adrenaline rush was always there, but I never panicked, even if I was half prepared for a show. I was always the first one to get into the stage and the last one to leave.

Just prior to that journey, we all belonged to a different world. A world very few people have seen. Green Room! One can see various kinds of people there. Someone praying, someone silent, someone cribbing, someone shouting, someone babbling, someone nervous, someone panicking, someone visiting the washroom every now and then, someone checking his dress and someone like me, pepping up everyone. It is a world different from anything else.

I cannot talk enough about our families, teachers, mentors who made us, what we are as musicians! Someone came from a musical background, someone’s family was not supportive, someone rich, someone poor, someone didn’t tell their parents, someone was ill; someone had a fight with girlfriend. It was an amalgamation of myriad backgrounds and emotions. But on board, we felt only one feeling. That is Music! It’s like the same blood running through our veins; we spoke, played, and enjoyed the same universal language.

As I stand here today, all I want to put across is the remarkable journey I travelled with music. I miss being at the realm with it. I miss the animated me, who always used to pep up others, the excitement which used to begin right from the practice session to the show and to the time beyond, I miss the winks, the grins, the smirks we used to give other on stage, I miss the pranks we played live, I miss the way we used to complement each other for each mistakes we made, I miss playing with those mystical mesmerizing voices and the not so mesmerizing voices, I miss that huddle where we used to pep up the nervous ones, I miss those gaze we gave each other on stage when someone was not so confident, miss the feeling when power or instruments go off, miss those electric shocks, miss the transition of emotion the mind goes through with each song, miss the euphoria involved in it, miss the bite of the tongue for every time I made a mistake or missed a beat ,  miss the chanting crowd, miss the adrenaline just before going in, miss the whole overall setting of one of the most worthwhile things I have ever been a small part of.

And I miss that never fading feeling of satisfaction...silence everywhere. And the loud buzzing sound inside my head since I left the stage. That happy feeling which did not let me sleep, did not calculate my dreams, and did not let limit myself.

Craziness Redefined!

So, I’m writing about Music again. My escape from the world. Someone once said, if a person is not touched by Music, he is either divine or insane. This statement can’t be wrong actually. Music makes us feel, makes us realize, makes us speak our unspoken feelings, makes us groove, makes us cry, makes us elate, makes us inspire. It won’t be wrong if I say, Music relates us, what we do, what we going through, what we want to do.  We actually cannot define the magic of it, it’s like a journey within us, and it gives us expression, it makes our mind travel through myriad emotions.  Music is the language of the soul. It opens the secret of life bringing peace, eliminating friction. Being at the dominion of Music, I've always felt its magic. It’s one craziness, one passion! It’s one euphoria that dominates me, most of the time when I’m at a close proximity of it. During my short and un-illustrated career as a musician I went through a few crazy incidents, even a mere thought of which makes me crazy.

To start with I remember, it was Fresher’s Social for the newcomers from Assam in Pune. It used to be one real opportunity to showcase your talent to your native people. Practice sessions were full of people, who wanted to perform. Girls accompanied by their boyfriend, so that they can approach us and convince us to get the chance for his girl. Overall a fun environment. One fun day, a girl came up with a song, she wanted to sing. Our keyboardist, Bablu Da asked, “Bhanti, tumar gaan tur scale ki?” (Which scale is your song?). The girl, stunned, waited a while and replied...” Dada, moi scale ana nai nohoi!” (I did not bring a scale with me!). We all just looked at each other with a smirk and went on with the practice session. And later, when all left we were rolling on the floor laughing. No pun intended, but we still imitate this feat, whenever we are in the middle of a boring practice.

  

Smoke N’ I: I remember growing up seeing smoke machines blowing a sage effect during live performances. So, one fine day, when the light and sound engineer asked me, if we need smoke machine for the show, I readily agreed, fantasying the feel I will go through on stage when it blows up. The ever excited me! First song of the evening, and as always we started with a traditional ‘Borgeet’. The light guy, being a local Marathi, had no clue what we were playing, blew up the smoke machine which was incidentally placed just below the stool I was sitting. And in a flash the smoke gulped me in. Trust me, for a minute or two I actually could not figure out where I was.

Dard e Disco: This event happened suddenly. Exams, accident, skinned palm everything was a part of it. So was I, not to forget SRK and Om Shanti Om. It was just a day, the movie had released. We had just one day for practice, and when the singers came in, we asked them to sing common songs, so that it doesn’t consume much time while practicing. 3-4 songs down, I saw a guy sitting in the corner, with a wide grin. Finally it was his turn, I asked generously, “Bhaity, kuntu gaan gaba?” (Which song you want to sing?). The guy retaliated, “Dada, Dard e Disco tu e gai diu, bor solise”. (I’ll sing Dard e Disco, it’s a hit) and while saying so he actually showed us some SRK steps from the song. Though that guy did not sing the song, he actually gave us some respite from the hectic practice session and my bleeding hand.

We Owned The Night: Agriculture College, Pune. It’s one grand ground where most of the concerts in Pune used to take place. The crowd capacity, the atmosphere, the intensity was always there when a concert was there. Seeing youth events like ‘Verve’ (Fergusson College Fest), I used to crave to perform on that platform. And one fine day, it happened...we performed in front of 20,000 odd people...chanting, singing and dancing with us. Good feeling isn’t it. The most amazing part about that show, the crowd gathered there to see KK, Shruti Pathak (Mar Jawaan, OST Fashion fame) and Neha Bhasin (Dhunki, OST MBKD fame) who were to perform after us. But the feeling was so amazing, that we actually forgot that we were just up to an opening act there.

Life for obvious reasons is full of such amazing moments and memories. We leave behind the moments, but the memories remain, ever cherished. And Music, it’s one immortal thing that we all need. We grow, we change but the Music remains same. After a 100 years, we won’t be alive, but the music we create, we sing, we listen will always be there.

Go, Meet The World!

They say you need to recollect and relive your good times when you are going through a bad phase. Being me, was always so easy for me, it always bordered sleepwalking. But today as I stand here, I just got the feeling that this guy, who is self inspired, who loves to inspire others to stand up to anything that comes up, didn’t stored any for himself. I still remember, how a few friends of mine, still look up to me, they say that they have this belief that I can make things look simple and easy. Some say, my smile diminishes half of their problems. But then, it’s not always easy to inspire yourself. To talk happiness to every person you meet. To make all your friends feel that there is something in them. To wear a cheerful countenance at all time as and give every living creature you meet a smile.

Standing at this state of affairs, where the heart says I should and the mind says I should not; I actually never thought I have to self motivate myself someday. As they say, one should always remember where they originate from; almost certainly I should go back to where I began.

I remember my debut. I was so damn nervous. Not talking to anyone, I just went in. And I remember, someone told me, “go in boy, and don’t make eye contact to anyone in the audience, if you feel nervous just look at us”. That was the beginning. And during the next few years, that same me, used to tell his fellow musicians, “go in there, have fun, don’t look anywhere, if you feel nervous just look at me”. 

As a musician, I know, it’s not easy to go in and give your best every time. We know our strengths and we know our flaws. But we can always improve and deliver. All we need to do is enjoy and create memories.  Today it’s our turn to go in because we are the chosen ones to do so. Let us not think too much, not over analyze, not over react, not act overtly responsible! Let’s not anyone take away this moment from us, let’s go into our own musical world where we are celebrated, slowly, savouring each moment.

Holding onto my pair of drumsticks, trying to gather all my strength, my experience, my memories and all the fun I had, this is me! Going in for the one last time! To the chanting crowd, to the cheers, to the rhythm and to the Music!

Remember Me

“If you could hear me, I would say that our finger prints don't fade from the lives we've touched.” ~~Tyler Hawkins in Remember Me

Being good is not always easy. You do everything for people, try to make them happy not for your own benefits but just that it will make you happy too. They smile, you smile….they cry, you cry. Probably it’s the care that’s within us speaks, the child within us weeps.

But then, we are humans and we tend to make mistakes. The strangest thing is that even after doing so many things or so much for people they ask for more. Probably today the world is so selfish that everything we do or say makes someone feel that we have some hidden reason to do so. It is actually amazing how fast friendships and relationships can go to shit. People will throw away so many years in one single day.

We do things for people…at times when they seek some help and at times when we generously offer to do. But that definitely doesn’t mean that we have a hidden agenda behind that. Probably these people didn’t see the emotion or affection that connects us to them…but after all we are humans too, we too get hurt, we too feel betrayed at times…we don’t reply or retaliate doesn’t mean that we accept every blame that’s been given to us.

I really wonder why people suddenly change after they get what they wanted. One day they are sweet, the next day they are not. One day they are here, the next day they are not. One day you are important to them, the next day you are worthless. That's how ironic things and people can be.

Frankly and very honestly speaking…where is my fault??? Being there for you at your moment of distress…sacrificing my spot of happiness for you…spending sleepless nights tackling your problems…is this what I get as a reward??? May be yes!!! I’m mean...for I think you to be same as mine…yes I’m mean ‘coz I expect the same things from you…yes I’m mean because I forget and forgive everything…your blunt blunt words, your humiliation, your sarcasm…everything. Yes I’m mean for I’m a person taken for granted always. Yes I‘m mean for I’m an idiot…a ‘Prized Idiot’. I’m prized…for being such an idiot, for trying to spread smile all around…and become a villain instead of a hero…most remarkably being villain to people who once themselves made me a hero.

Yes!!! It's my story! It’s our story! In life, we all stood on both the sides of this story.  

Notes For You

I want you to know that what I note down is often not how I feel, and at the same time altogether exactly how I feel.

Today, I have so many words to write but I just can't get them to form correctly in my head. I can't get my ideas onto paper anymore. I miss seeing my fingers fly over the keys. I miss walking out of work with a smile because I came up with the best idea. I miss the sound of rushing water, and the dappled sunbeams that drifts lazily through the trees. I miss clicking. I miss the adventures that came with the click of every frame, I miss creating that magic myself.

But I am also a person, a guy. I want to be loved and held. I want to fight and cry and kiss and laugh.

I want to laugh. I want you to make me laugh. Because you can!

And I'll to write it down and try to remember what it felt like to be in love. How it felt to be completely in love with you. I don't hold back and I will do my best to be honest. But I am an artist and an artist lives within a watchfully made fantasy. They may have a life outside of this fantasy, but to the artist that is not their reality. That is not who they are. Not truly who they are to themselves. And no one will ever know of this complex fantasy, because that's when things fall apart that cannot be put back together again.

I want to lay in the grass, I want to fall asleep in your arms. I want to feel you kiss my neck and feel your arms pull me closer to you. I want to be close to you. I want to be your mystery. I don't ever want the puzzle of you to spell it out for me.

I forgot to laugh like I used to. I forgot to jump around. I forgot to chat with my friends for long hours. I forgot how it was to go out friends. I forgot how it was to be happy and mesmerizing, because I created, clicked or wrote something nice. The colours, the nature, innocence, and beauty nothing seems to captivate me anymore.

I don't want to let you know that I drown in your memory; I don't want to let this go. Wish I had the courage to lie to you. But I don't. Because I can’t lie to you.

Come and take me away to my Dreamland again!! This land is dry, sour n rough!!

Blue Ink Diary

So, She gave me a Blue Ink Diary and I gave her a sad smile...it was an uneven trade, like most of the things in this relationship.

I spent the rest of the day carrying it around after she gave it to me; seriously, I didn't let it out of my sight. I’m excited. I started working on it. Hopefully it'll turn out good. I’ve given it a title and the direction will be wherever my life takes me, quotes, photos, designs, music, write ups, everything...

I loved this girl before; I love her now...I love her now, even more. With everything I have. I have abandoned all common sense and dived into this, this comfortable love that challenges both of us to expand beyond who we think we are today.  I want to keep growing with her. I never want this to end. And while there's still that rational part of me that says that this most likely will end, the rest of me is gone with hopeless abandon. And I’m loving every minute of it.  I’m going crazy; I’m planting roots, and spreading my wings. I wish to write every love line ever written.

She is the good night I hear before I go to bed, and the smile I wake up to! She drives me absolutely crazy in every imaginable way, just utterly crazy. And yet, there is that stability that says you can depend on me, it’s ok to be weak, I’m here to be your strength. She is the silence on my bad days and my raving fan on my good days, and I will spend the rest of my life indebted to her and the way she has treated me.

Knowing this might not last forever! It is here today! And I’m here today! I'll write down this love story in a Blue Ink Diary.

Smile!

Be good!

And stay safe my love!

Tonight..

“You gave me a song I learned to hum,

You showed me beauty through the windows of your soul,

And you showed me a world I've never seen!

Each, giving to each other love and giving it away,

We spent the valued time we didn’t knew was borrowed,

Cause you gave me the courage to live with yesterday,

And you gave me tomorrow.”

Tonight, when I go to sleep, I take this song with me and all the memories. I really treasure it. To me, it means caring about someone not just because they have something you want, but because you have something you want to give.

Tonight lying in my bed, I stare at the wall and try to remember you here with me, sleeping peacefully, holding my hand and not even knowing. Now looking back, every minute I wasted not being with you, I wish I could have that back. I miss you so much, I'm crying for no reason. Tonight, we didn't say goodnight like the other nights. It feels very empty like this. I hope you had a good day, a good reason for not being with me tonight to talk to me and tell me to create, write or click something. I was in bed by 12, like you wanted. I always send you a text right before sleeping (is safe in drafts) hoping that will help me dream about us...together.

It's so hard to be alone here without you. My heart hurts, thinking you're not 100% sure of being with me. My sincere words, my tears, are they not enough?

Tonight I fall asleep with dried tears on my face and all the memories next to me.

Goodnight!

Because We Ended As Lovers!

The myth continues...so does the argument. A boy and a girl can never be friends!!! People say, friends who are of the opposite sex truly and entirely confuse them. They don't understand how two people of opposite genders can be best friends. But then, as they say...friendship is the first step of love. So to be in love at first the boy and the girl needs to be friends, they need to know each other. They need to develop liking for each other. Two people of opposite genders don't usually hang out that much unless they're dating.

Well, I can already predict myself being very, very self-contradictory, but that's because I'm just so confused! The confusion induces from the term "Just friends". Probably it is the cloudiest term in the universe. Truthfully, how do you go from feeling for someone romantically to agreeing wholeheartedly that friendship is the only thing connecting you? The reality is, you don't. Romantic feelings persist; love is the most stubborn kind.

You meet someone. You become friends, you start knowing each other closely. And slowly you develop feelings for her. You go on a few dates. You have long talks and small adventures together. You start to fall for each other. You agree to be exclusive. You learn more and more about each others' lives, and the people in it. And as they say, there is not always a fairytale ending, things fall apart. You part your ways. You decide to remain friends. Time passes. Things change and gets complicated. We learn that the friend has moved to the city for the summer, and they are hanging out, playing music together while you are working. The more you hear about this friend, the more the realization hits you: you are still very much in love with her. You discover that in being in that kind of a relationship, you have actually lost parts of your friendship that you had really enjoyed. In the end, you just wanted to be friends. But ‘because you ended as lovers’, you can never actually go back to the way things used to be.

Known Sky...Unknown Colours!

The wheel of memories keeps spinning, I remember, it was one of those days in Pune, I wrote this fresher’s social welcome speech for the students from Assam...“We step out of our home, to a different city and different way of living, different culture, different language, different food to build our future...to a place unknown, to create our own identity.”

Now that I have stepped out of home again, for a short stint in another city to add more skills to my arsenal, am actually feeling it all over again. Someone rightly said...’Life is a perpetual initiation.’ We never actually reach a destination. So true actually! The same known sky...yet unknown colours!

Leaving home always makes me nostalgic, captured by the moment, in the magic of yesterday. But hope never fades away and the ambitious us makes us embark in new journeys...to new destinations. Living in a world outside home, is like fantasy...but as they say...”it is not what you go out to, it is what brings you back.” Yes, to be home, it’s a different feeling altogether, the way your parent’s eyes glow when they see you back, the care of a concerned sister, friends smiling down on me, giving me their energy, a joyful world around me and the love we share can never, never be taken away from me.

May be I can convince time to fasten up, with Papon Da singing ‘Sandhya Jetiya Name’ in the background, my heart yearns to be back home again, soon, to the wind that makes the tall grass lean and the raindrops that fall, they have a meaning.

Let's Play!

A country obsessed with cricket, so much so that people themselves complain other sports being neglected. Yet, cricket retains it ground. A country, where cricket is nothing less than a religion, makes the country stand united with every proud moment, yet it is the same religion which writes off every defeat in the worst possible manner. We make them our heroes and when they lose a game, we treat them as villains. A country so obsessed that we actually forget, that it’s a game and winning or losing is an integral part of it. This obsession is so contagious that at the post match presentation, after winning the historic 2^nd Test Match at Adelaide during 2003-04 tour to Australia, captain Sourav Ganguly commented on Rahul Dravid’s heroic performance, “Rahul played like God.”

And at times, when the team lost, probably all of us actually behaved as if the players have betrayed us. But then, should we forget some proud moments, the team has given us over the years? The World Cup victory in 1983, or the history defying VVS Laxman & Rahul Dravid partnership during the 2^nd Test Match at Kolkata in 2001 against Australia or the T20 World Cup victory in 2007 are just 3 defining moments of Indian cricket. The team actually is known for its famous comebacks, some of them probably affected by the huge fan following it have. How can we forgot, how some violent crowd mobbed into Md. Kaif’s home and painted the walls black, after a group match defeat during 2003 World Cup in South Africa and eventually the team ended the cup as Runners Up! Or can we forget how Zaheer Khan inspired a famous win at the Trent Bridge, during 2007 tour to England after a famous ‘Jelly Bean’ spilling incident on Indian players?

But with time, some bad performances, some vices such as match fixing and betting, it is obvious that people actually are losing interest in cricket, but it remains a game we still love. Like it or not, it’s World Cup time again. Now that another world cup is fast approaching, the country is again at its euphoric high, the whole country will be glued to cricket, let’s chant for Team India with true spirit, off course we want our team to win always. But let’s not forget that it’s a game, let’s not forget that the players are not actually God but are humans just like us, and they may falter when it’s not their day. Let’s not forget their commitment towards the game. Do we fans actually know that, VVS Laxman and Rahul Dravid were put into ‘saline’ during their 376 Runs partnership against Australia, Dravid was actually hospitalized but the next morning they came to bat again? So, let’s wish luck to our 15 fellow countrymen who embark on a journey tomorrow to win the coveted trophy, cheer them to make history once again, let’s chant ‘India India’!