Poem

frozen unfrozen silence,

tuned into a poem...

one handful of moonlight....

your giggles,

like Cindrella's fairy tales or Alice's dreams???

one worn out photo,

one you,

and a few lines of

adrifted poem...

N.B.: It was scribbled long long back, it dates back to March 2008. Just wanted to share :)

Music On, World Off !!

…it’s called life or something like it. Been a while now I guess. And all this while I was too busy running after work, career, success, happiness, love, I definitely missed a special part of being me. I really did!

Music! For me is an escape, just like writing. Whether we admit it or not, music embeds our daily life, weaving its beauty and emotion through our thoughts, activities and memories. It is life for some, means of worship for some, and for some it was a means of great expression, beyond words and images. Music has the quality of expressing the inexpressible. I remember someone rightly quoted’ if in the after life there is not music; we will have to import it.’

Now then, life moves on and so do we. What I miss most is my involvement with music. I miss going out there and performing in the crowd, the moment when nerves melt into calm pleasure before the commencement of a show in a hushed theatre, the rehearsals, the fun and the feeling that used to keep me away from every other emotion in this world. Another unlikely thing I miss is the moment, when I make some mistake, on stage, live…and all I can do is look at my fellow musicians and smile and all those funny incidents that happen over there.

One incident that took place in one my shows will always remain so close to my heart. We were playing the song, ‘Bideshot Apun Manuh’, a song so close to our heart and life. Such is the irony of life, we live far away from our native place, get busy with life, yet our heart always craves for little things that is very own. And this song made its way to our lives, more so because it carries only one emotion…nostalgia! No hate, no love…just pure nostalgia. The crowd was very eager to listen to this song. And just when we are about to start, the connection of my drum kit went off. Technical problems…they are the indispensable evil. Started again, the monitor was not working. Then finally at the third attempt when we were halfway through the interlude, my drum kit went off, again. The buzz in the crowd was easily audible from the stage and all of us did panic for a while. I did at least, ‘coz my instrument went off twice. While we were checking the technical things again, I heard a friend of mine (am yet to know who did that, but thanked him probably a zillion times) started cheering me up…Arpan…Arpan. Other friends followed. Oh!! What a feeling! A shiver ran through me, felt like crying, I was elated every time I heard the cheer and inspired. Soon, we started to play the same song again and finally finished. After the show was over, many people came to us and appreciated, particularly for that song. Many eyes were moist; probably that song disturbed a chord that people safely kept back in their heart.

Wish I could go back to all those moments. Fall in love again, with music! Get drenched. Wish life had one on/off button, while the rest of the world gets busy living or dying; all I need to do is…Music On!! World Off!!

February Fever!

Love. Many definitions, myriad emotions!

It’s that time of the year again and we all are suddenly surrounded by love. Everywhere I look, there is mush all around! Its one thing we really can’t escape, at least not me.

One question that props up every now and then is ‘why do you love her’??

Being asked that question time and again really made me think deep. I may still answer "Just because" to it, since the definite answer I have is pretty multifaceted. I remember someone rightly cited, “love has many surfaces!... faces!” Additionally there's this fear that I won't be understood, or that I'll just come off as way too mushy and laughable. I've realized that there are quite a few parts to loving someone. It does not only mean why do I love her, it's so much more than that, because love isn't confined about how one person feels.

We all have flaws and not-so-good qualities hidden somewhere in us all, but we also possess some of the most wonderful characteristics that make us who we are.

Actually, I can't describe it.

She's just something in my eyes.

That's something sometimes you just can't describe.

You just stare at her in her eyes, and get mesmerized.

But she's not perfect. Only imperfect people strives to be better and better.

I guess she's the perfect imperfection!

Not This, Not That

Generally poetry is accepted to be the highest form of literary expression. Even the best of prose, be it fiction, biography or travelogue, comprehensively enjoyed when read for the first time, it loses much of its appeal when read for the second time. On the other hand, good poetry becomes more and more enjoyable when re-read. One does not have to be a scholar to write good poetry. Either you have it in you or don’t. And far too often, it stays latent in the recesses of a person’s mind till some event triggers it off. My naive tryst with poetry…just an attempt.

The words were still there
Scattered…all over,
Words…
Beyond the radius of understanding.

I yearn for some sunshine…
In this ominous evening.

A reverie…
Flying like ‘paper planes’
Flying with eternal devotion…

A word…
Beyond definition…

'Colour Makers'

...while the rest of the world went on ignorant, drinking their coffee, reading the sports page, and surfing TV channels, I kept on working, making a choice that might change many things. May be somewhere there was a ripple, a bit of a jump, some small shift in the universe, barely noticeable. I didn't feel it then. And now, as the days of hard work, sleepless nights, foodless afternoons are over am feeling the change.

I saw this dream creeping up and blossom, and let it open for the whole world. The words appreciation kept coming. And now that we’ve won the Gold Medal, I want to thank every one who always believed in me, encouraged me and loved me the way I am. We rarely take this opportunity in our lives to thank people who actually mean a lot. Frankly speaking, my work was appreciated but what went unnoticed are the efforts of the people who stood by me. These things usually go unnoticed but they make great sense and they are the one who make life so uncomplicated and cheerful.

Thank you, Maa & Baa for everything and for adjusting with my odd lunch and dinner timings, for all the plans you had to cancel coz ‘m not home. Thank you Dita, your pat on my back means the world to me. Thank you, Ajoy Da for asking if we can be a team, Mridul Da for believing in my convictions and going ahead with the project. Thank you Mitu, you always bet on me and made me believe to bet on me. Thank you Paul, you certainly know what you mean to me. Thank you Siba, for all your ingenious inputs. Thank you Rimlie for your unvarying wishes and encouragement. Thank you Jipi and Liza, you two are nothing less than angels. Thank you Alok, Debasish and Debarsish, you people believed from day one that I’ll get this project and kept pushing me. Thank you Debu, you’ve been such a caring and sweet brother to me. Thank you Sima, for your perpetual assurance, that success is just round the corner. Thank you Rassmin Da, Gunamoni Da, Barnali Ba, Roli, Nandana, Ricky, Saba, Smita, Shraddha, Sukanya, Pompy, Tutu, Rahul, Snigdha for your encouragement. Thank you Pinky Ba, for taking my care when I was ill. Thank you to all our Painters, Carpenters and Sculptors, without your contribution the designs would have been incomplete. Thank you to the unknown ‘autowala’ for the ride, who appeared like a God at 1.30 am, without those prints in my hand, our project, would have been incomplete by the stipulated time limit. Thank you everyone in the family, all my friends, the critics, and everyone at the Assam Pavilion.

I’m no celebrity and will not get a chance to stand on a podium and thank my own people. But it’s an honest confession, this achievement of mine belongs to you. My entry to this big world is still is its infancy, but with you people around I believe I can achieve many more things. Cheers!!! To the ‘Colour Makers’ of my life.

Hope Springs!

“If you can look at the sunset and smile, then you still have hope. If you can see the good in other people, then you still have hope. If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism, then you still have hope. If you give people the benefit of the doubt, then you still have hope. If the suffering in others still fills you with pain, then you still have hope. If you still watch love stories or want endings to be happy, then you still have hope. If you can look at the past and smile, then you still have hope. If, when faced with bad and told everything is futile, you can still look up at the end of the conversation and say "yeah, but..." then you still have so much hope. If you still offer your hand of friendship to those who have touched your life, then you still have hope. If you refuse to let a friendship die or accept that it must end, then you, very much, still have hope.”

Hope…It’s a tiny little thing that can make the biggest difference, and you won’t even know it. It is indeed a sweet word. It makes us dream, makes us long, gives us zeal, gives us courage and keeps us motivated…our dreams reciprocates to hope. Dreams may be unfulfilled but hope always keeps them alive, if one dream stops, hope leads us to another.

Life, at times…becomes chaotic, becomes hard, becomes discouraging, becomes lonely, and becomes frustrating. The limitations in us are created by us…the more we hope, the more we dream, more we represent our own being. We may have been subject to some disappointments, but all we need to do is hope and take action. We are more likely to get results from ourselves than from other people. It's no certainty that someone's going to always be there to pick us up; at times we need to do it our self. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

Most of the time, we try and try and at the end we let go. The fall is always beautiful. It confers a sense of comprehension, accompanied by an appalling sense of sinking. We lose the will to breathe, the persuasion to open our mouth wide, wide enough to admit the freezing panic that will certainly drown us.

All I would like to say is always keep hoping for the good, as the Chinese say, keep a green tree in your heart, the singing bird will surely come! It’s never late or early…all we need is to hope. And the choice is always ours.

I Will Learn To Breathe, Again!

"They build us up and put us on the tallest pedestal, only to break us down, make us fall from the greatest heights. But it's okay. We pick ourselves up again and build ourselves up, without their help. And if we fall again, it doesn't hurt so much."

In anything in life, when we fall down, first and foremost, we should to try to congregate ourselves back. It's no certainty that someone's going to always be there to pick us up; at times we need to do it our self. Life always is a roller coaster, at times up and at times down and down. But the past is the past. Can't change it. You can't be held down because of it.

Now, just going to try to live life to the fullest, and if it was meant to be, it will be. With a little push of course. But for now, maybe it's not the best time for it. So the past can go suck it and stop bothering you.

People make mistakes. But if people are meant to be together, things may possibly fall into place. But also, a lot of times, we take people for granted. If they're always there, we take their presence for granted which is bad. I don't think you should punish yourself for mistakes. It’s not worth it. People make mistakes, learn from it. Your happiness, your happiness doesn't necessarily need to involve that person being back into your life. Don’t beat yourself over it.

You are unwritten, you are undefined. You are just beginning. Open up the porthole; allow the sun to light up your world. Release your inhibitions, experience the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you, only you can let it in, drench yourself, live your life with arms wide open. Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten.

P.S.: This note is especially dedicated to you, you, you and you (you people know whom I mean!). Do the things that you always wanted to, without anyone there to hold you back. Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag &..."Smile Smile Smile..."

Run...To You!!!

Love is a contradiction. It's everything and nothing at the same time. It's pain, sorrow, happiness. It's blinding and ignorant, it's knowledge and truth. It’s every noun and adjective included in the dictionary.

Sometimes you wondered if it's worth it. Is it worth it to even try when I seem to not even care about you? Is it worth it to call and to check your phone and to call again and to message me and to hope I'll call? If I didn't make the effort, would you? Would you ever talk to me or even care that I didn't talk to you? Are the days of heartache worth when the only thing you get in return is a few minutes of happiness?

At times, you might have felt that I’ve been ignorant or taking you for granted. At times, I thought I should share, show you all my care but I was indisposed or at times preoccupied. It’s true; I've been watching you, no, not waiting for the precise moment to make the first move. Do you want to know, why I keep avoiding your eyes, and why I'm running away? It's crazy; I know...maybe I'm destined to be alone, maybe there's someone who will understand, may be you’ll be able to understand that I'm not able to share my world, I'm still running away. I know it’s crazy...I've been conceiving you, for too long, If only I could change all the things around.

I wish that I could be with you and hold you in my arms, whisper all my love to you and kiss away your tears. I wish that I could take your cares and put them all away, neatly folded into drawers while bliss lights your smile. I wish that joy could step inside your heart and stay awhile, and all the rain could turn into a rainbow in the sun. And all our loneliness like mist could fade into the blue. I don't want to just be there for when you feel like you need someone to love you. I want to be there when it's good for me, not just you. I want to feel loved, not just the one who's doing the loving. I want to feel needed, not the one who's being needy. I want to feel alive. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I know there’s no point in dance with a dream for they cannot wrap their arms around me on cold nights, they cannot call you first thing in the morning just to say hello. They cannot kiss your forehead or hold your hand. Dreams live in the mind, and it is there that they stay. Dreams cannot keep you company when you are alone. Dreams cannot say, “I love you.” Dreams can only go so far. I don’t want another dream; I want you. The truth is, I need you here. I need you here to wipe away my tears to kiss away my fears if you only knew how much...

I want to run to you, because you’re the one who always turns me on. I know that when you look at me, there are so much that you just don’t see, but if you would only take the time I know in my heart you’d find someone who’s scared sometimes, who isn’t always strong. I want to run to you, won’t you hold me in your arms and keep me safe from harm.

Run…to you!!!