Love is a contradiction. It's everything and nothing at the same time. It's pain, sorrow, happiness. It's blinding and ignorant, it's knowledge and truth. It’s every noun and adjective included in the dictionary.
Sometimes you wondered if it's worth it. Is it worth it to even try when I seem to not even care about you? Is it worth it to call and to check your phone and to call again and to message me and to hope I'll call? If I didn't make the effort, would you? Would you ever talk to me or even care that I didn't talk to you? Are the days of heartache worth when the only thing you get in return is a few minutes of happiness?
At times, you might have felt that I’ve been ignorant or taking you for granted. At times, I thought I should share, show you all my care but I was indisposed or at times preoccupied. It’s true; I've been watching you, no, not waiting for the precise moment to make the first move. Do you want to know, why I keep avoiding your eyes, and why I'm running away? It's crazy; I know...maybe I'm destined to be alone, maybe there's someone who will understand, may be you’ll be able to understand that I'm not able to share my world, I'm still running away. I know it’s crazy...I've been conceiving you, for too long, If only I could change all the things around.
I wish that I could be with you and hold you in my arms, whisper all my love to you and kiss away your tears. I wish that I could take your cares and put them all away, neatly folded into drawers while bliss lights your smile. I wish that joy could step inside your heart and stay awhile, and all the rain could turn into a rainbow in the sun. And all our loneliness like mist could fade into the blue. I don't want to just be there for when you feel like you need someone to love you. I want to be there when it's good for me, not just you. I want to feel loved, not just the one who's doing the loving. I want to feel needed, not the one who's being needy. I want to feel alive. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I know there’s no point in dance with a dream for they cannot wrap their arms around me on cold nights, they cannot call you first thing in the morning just to say hello. They cannot kiss your forehead or hold your hand. Dreams live in the mind, and it is there that they stay. Dreams cannot keep you company when you are alone. Dreams cannot say, “I love you.” Dreams can only go so far. I don’t want another dream; I want you. The truth is, I need you here. I need you here to wipe away my tears to kiss away my fears if you only knew how much...
I want to run to you, because you’re the one who always turns me on. I know that when you look at me, there are so much that you just don’t see, but if you would only take the time I know in my heart you’d find someone who’s scared sometimes, who isn’t always strong. I want to run to you, won’t you hold me in your arms and keep me safe from harm.