Pages Of The Past

“When I was a child I used to run around the butterflies as they flew about collecting nectar…and now as I grew up, I am running after my dreams hoping to see them turn into reality someday”

The voyage started way back in 2002, I left home for Pune. We go out of our home, our own native land…to a place unfamiliar, to make our own self, to stand on our own. We dream, we aspire…we live. Have seen dreams fulfilled, dreams broken. Ever since I landed in Pune, I had a dream…to do a bit for our own people, to build a common platform for them, especially for people living outside their home, to created one place of affinity and global participation for our fellow people. My whole voyage in Pune is something I can’t explain in words, something I’ll value lifelong. Days past, years past…spent as many as 7 years there…but that dream of a common platform of global participation for our fellow people still lingered in my mind. After many unsuccessful attempts, financial hiccups and trusted people who actually didn’t have faith in me…I almost gave up. When I came back home, to look after family business and also start up something on my own…that dream never seemed to leave me. Just waited for the day to get established, to fulfill that dream on my own. Luckily I wasn’t ordained to wait for long…

One fine day it happened! One of my friends suggested me to go through ‘www.enajori.com’. It was like a dream….revived!! Otherwise a very laidback me, promptly wrote a mail to the ‘enajori’ team. And now after 3 months of joining the ‘enajori’ team I proudly say it to be a integral part of my life, for making my distant dream a reality, for giving me exposure and not to forget a ‘friend’ whom I’ll cherish a lifetime.

Thank you Sang, for your suggestion to go through ‘enajori’, thank you to the team, for making me a part of it, thank you Him, for being such a wonderful team member, friend and a constant support. And thank you, all my ‘invisible forces’, my friends…for being there always. The word ‘enajori’ imply...bonding, may my bond with it, its team members and all my friends stay integral, for eternity.

'My Life Musical'

Some people say, am crazy, but yes I can listen to a song in loop uncountable times, just to admire its beauty, and go through a joy ride of emotions. Music is a way of life, expression of life, appearance of life; it is something beyond evaluation, something celestial. Music means something different for everybody.

When I find myself captivated by the first line of a song, I continue on, enjoying the rhythm or structure the author created, and most if the time by the end I am usually completely lost. It’s amazing, the way people throws out random beautiful thoughts and somehow makes it seem like it's all connected together. Music juggles our emotions, takes them to a different level; gives us something to refresh, to push, to hope, and to restart. Music makes us smile, makes us laugh, makes us sing, inspire, enlighten, makes us weep, makes us cry, makes us realize and makes us feel, makes us dance, it makes us relax, and it makes us dream…

Wish life could be one musical. A musical movie may be, furnished with some amazing songs with heart warming music. Wow!! But yes, can’t expect it to be happy and peppy, some sadness and pain are also important. We may call it irony of life, but without all these emotions, we actually can’t signify the value of the opposite emotion. Even then, I would love to select a few songs for my life….’my life musical’! For me, I’ve been traveling through years, in the canvas of these tunes...

Innocence:

Meri Maa (OST Tare Zameen Par, Shankar Mahadevan, Lyrics: Prasoon Joshi)

So innocent and so delicate. This song has the ability to ripple my innocence. I still remember weeping in theatre, the first time I heard it and once while performing it.

Hope/ Dream:

Dil Hi Chota Sa (OST Roja, Minmini, Lyrics: Jagdish Khebudkar)

Have grown up listening to this song. For me it’s one ultimate hope song. Every time I listen, it makes hope, make my dreams takes its flight and comes back to us. Inspires to hope…to dream.

Inspiration:

Ashsaayen (OST Iqbaal, K.K, Lyrics: Irfan Siddique)

A song full of inspiration! Do I need to say more?

Happiness/fun:

Summer of ‘69 (OST Reckless, Bryan Adams, Lyrics: Bryan Adams)

It actually denotes some other meaning and we all know it. But this song has some feel good factor in it, at least for me. The energy makes me happy, a distinct song for happy fun filled moments.

Friendship:

Yeh Dosti (OST Sholay, Kishore Kumar/Manna De, Lyrics: Anand Bakshi)

Do we need not explain a song on friendship?

Love:

Please Forgive Me (OST, Bryan Adams, Lyrics: Bryan Adams)

What pain, what acceptance and what lyrics. Subtle, soothing and yet painful. I think that what love is all about.

Mar Jawaan (OST Fashion, Shruti Pathak, Lyrics: Irfan Siddique, Sandeep Nath)

Maudlin, mushy, raw…yes may be. Heard many people complain about this song for being over emotional. Probably they overlooked the passion, the pain. And what lyrics! Aah! For me this song is an escape to love. I feel soaked in love every time I listen to it.

Pain/ Sadness:

Tere Bina Zindagi Se (OST Andhi, Kishore Kumar/ Lata Mangeshkar, Lyrics: Gulzar)

An amazing composition. The lyrics, the song says it all.

Tu Jaane Na (OST Ajab Prem Ki Gajab Kahani, Sohum, Lyrics: Irshad Kamil)

A fresh just out of the oven song, with touching lyrics. Tale of unrequited or unexpressed love isn’t it?

Life:

Kal Ho Naa Ho (OST KHNH, Sonu Nigam, Lyrics: Javed Akhtar)

Life indeed is a mixture of sunshine & rain, laughter & pleasure, teardrops & pain. The clouds and the sun play hide and seek in the sky, and the emotions play the same part in our life.

Mon Mur (OST Junaki Rati, Angaraag Mahanta, Lyrics: Keshab Mahanta)

Just three words. Mesmerizing, enchanting and refreshing.

Nostalgia:

Sandhya Jetiya Name (OST Junaki Rati, Angaraag Mahanta, Lyrics: Sorot Borkotoky)

Bideshot Apun Manuh (OST Bideshot Apun Manuh, Saju, Lyrics: Jimoni Choudhury)

Nostalgia! Just pure of it, and nothing else. Actually this feeling is something out of the world, no happiness no pain, just pure remembrance.

Poem

frozen unfrozen silence,

tuned into a poem...

one handful of moonlight....

your giggles,

like Cindrella's fairy tales or Alice's dreams???

one worn out photo,

one you,

and a few lines of

adrifted poem...

N.B.: It was scribbled long long back, it dates back to March 2008. Just wanted to share :)

Music On, World Off !!

…it’s called life or something like it. Been a while now I guess. And all this while I was too busy running after work, career, success, happiness, love, I definitely missed a special part of being me. I really did!

Music! For me is an escape, just like writing. Whether we admit it or not, music embeds our daily life, weaving its beauty and emotion through our thoughts, activities and memories. It is life for some, means of worship for some, and for some it was a means of great expression, beyond words and images. Music has the quality of expressing the inexpressible. I remember someone rightly quoted’ if in the after life there is not music; we will have to import it.’

Now then, life moves on and so do we. What I miss most is my involvement with music. I miss going out there and performing in the crowd, the moment when nerves melt into calm pleasure before the commencement of a show in a hushed theatre, the rehearsals, the fun and the feeling that used to keep me away from every other emotion in this world. Another unlikely thing I miss is the moment, when I make some mistake, on stage, live…and all I can do is look at my fellow musicians and smile and all those funny incidents that happen over there.

One incident that took place in one my shows will always remain so close to my heart. We were playing the song, ‘Bideshot Apun Manuh’, a song so close to our heart and life. Such is the irony of life, we live far away from our native place, get busy with life, yet our heart always craves for little things that is very own. And this song made its way to our lives, more so because it carries only one emotion…nostalgia! No hate, no love…just pure nostalgia. The crowd was very eager to listen to this song. And just when we are about to start, the connection of my drum kit went off. Technical problems…they are the indispensable evil. Started again, the monitor was not working. Then finally at the third attempt when we were halfway through the interlude, my drum kit went off, again. The buzz in the crowd was easily audible from the stage and all of us did panic for a while. I did at least, ‘coz my instrument went off twice. While we were checking the technical things again, I heard a friend of mine (am yet to know who did that, but thanked him probably a zillion times) started cheering me up…Arpan…Arpan. Other friends followed. Oh!! What a feeling! A shiver ran through me, felt like crying, I was elated every time I heard the cheer and inspired. Soon, we started to play the same song again and finally finished. After the show was over, many people came to us and appreciated, particularly for that song. Many eyes were moist; probably that song disturbed a chord that people safely kept back in their heart.

Wish I could go back to all those moments. Fall in love again, with music! Get drenched. Wish life had one on/off button, while the rest of the world gets busy living or dying; all I need to do is…Music On!! World Off!!

February Fever!

Love. Many definitions, myriad emotions!

It’s that time of the year again and we all are suddenly surrounded by love. Everywhere I look, there is mush all around! Its one thing we really can’t escape, at least not me.

One question that props up every now and then is ‘why do you love her’??

Being asked that question time and again really made me think deep. I may still answer "Just because" to it, since the definite answer I have is pretty multifaceted. I remember someone rightly cited, “love has many surfaces!... faces!” Additionally there's this fear that I won't be understood, or that I'll just come off as way too mushy and laughable. I've realized that there are quite a few parts to loving someone. It does not only mean why do I love her, it's so much more than that, because love isn't confined about how one person feels.

We all have flaws and not-so-good qualities hidden somewhere in us all, but we also possess some of the most wonderful characteristics that make us who we are.

Actually, I can't describe it.

She's just something in my eyes.

That's something sometimes you just can't describe.

You just stare at her in her eyes, and get mesmerized.

But she's not perfect. Only imperfect people strives to be better and better.

I guess she's the perfect imperfection!

Not This, Not That

Generally poetry is accepted to be the highest form of literary expression. Even the best of prose, be it fiction, biography or travelogue, comprehensively enjoyed when read for the first time, it loses much of its appeal when read for the second time. On the other hand, good poetry becomes more and more enjoyable when re-read. One does not have to be a scholar to write good poetry. Either you have it in you or don’t. And far too often, it stays latent in the recesses of a person’s mind till some event triggers it off. My naive tryst with poetry…just an attempt.

The words were still there
Scattered…all over,
Words…
Beyond the radius of understanding.

I yearn for some sunshine…
In this ominous evening.

A reverie…
Flying like ‘paper planes’
Flying with eternal devotion…

A word…
Beyond definition…

'Colour Makers'

...while the rest of the world went on ignorant, drinking their coffee, reading the sports page, and surfing TV channels, I kept on working, making a choice that might change many things. May be somewhere there was a ripple, a bit of a jump, some small shift in the universe, barely noticeable. I didn't feel it then. And now, as the days of hard work, sleepless nights, foodless afternoons are over am feeling the change.

I saw this dream creeping up and blossom, and let it open for the whole world. The words appreciation kept coming. And now that we’ve won the Gold Medal, I want to thank every one who always believed in me, encouraged me and loved me the way I am. We rarely take this opportunity in our lives to thank people who actually mean a lot. Frankly speaking, my work was appreciated but what went unnoticed are the efforts of the people who stood by me. These things usually go unnoticed but they make great sense and they are the one who make life so uncomplicated and cheerful.

Thank you, Maa & Baa for everything and for adjusting with my odd lunch and dinner timings, for all the plans you had to cancel coz ‘m not home. Thank you Dita, your pat on my back means the world to me. Thank you, Ajoy Da for asking if we can be a team, Mridul Da for believing in my convictions and going ahead with the project. Thank you Mitu, you always bet on me and made me believe to bet on me. Thank you Paul, you certainly know what you mean to me. Thank you Siba, for all your ingenious inputs. Thank you Rimlie for your unvarying wishes and encouragement. Thank you Jipi and Liza, you two are nothing less than angels. Thank you Alok, Debasish and Debarsish, you people believed from day one that I’ll get this project and kept pushing me. Thank you Debu, you’ve been such a caring and sweet brother to me. Thank you Sima, for your perpetual assurance, that success is just round the corner. Thank you Rassmin Da, Gunamoni Da, Barnali Ba, Roli, Nandana, Ricky, Saba, Smita, Shraddha, Sukanya, Pompy, Tutu, Rahul, Snigdha for your encouragement. Thank you Pinky Ba, for taking my care when I was ill. Thank you to all our Painters, Carpenters and Sculptors, without your contribution the designs would have been incomplete. Thank you to the unknown ‘autowala’ for the ride, who appeared like a God at 1.30 am, without those prints in my hand, our project, would have been incomplete by the stipulated time limit. Thank you everyone in the family, all my friends, the critics, and everyone at the Assam Pavilion.

I’m no celebrity and will not get a chance to stand on a podium and thank my own people. But it’s an honest confession, this achievement of mine belongs to you. My entry to this big world is still is its infancy, but with you people around I believe I can achieve many more things. Cheers!!! To the ‘Colour Makers’ of my life.

Hope Springs!

“If you can look at the sunset and smile, then you still have hope. If you can see the good in other people, then you still have hope. If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism, then you still have hope. If you give people the benefit of the doubt, then you still have hope. If the suffering in others still fills you with pain, then you still have hope. If you still watch love stories or want endings to be happy, then you still have hope. If you can look at the past and smile, then you still have hope. If, when faced with bad and told everything is futile, you can still look up at the end of the conversation and say "yeah, but..." then you still have so much hope. If you still offer your hand of friendship to those who have touched your life, then you still have hope. If you refuse to let a friendship die or accept that it must end, then you, very much, still have hope.”

Hope…It’s a tiny little thing that can make the biggest difference, and you won’t even know it. It is indeed a sweet word. It makes us dream, makes us long, gives us zeal, gives us courage and keeps us motivated…our dreams reciprocates to hope. Dreams may be unfulfilled but hope always keeps them alive, if one dream stops, hope leads us to another.

Life, at times…becomes chaotic, becomes hard, becomes discouraging, becomes lonely, and becomes frustrating. The limitations in us are created by us…the more we hope, the more we dream, more we represent our own being. We may have been subject to some disappointments, but all we need to do is hope and take action. We are more likely to get results from ourselves than from other people. It's no certainty that someone's going to always be there to pick us up; at times we need to do it our self. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

Most of the time, we try and try and at the end we let go. The fall is always beautiful. It confers a sense of comprehension, accompanied by an appalling sense of sinking. We lose the will to breathe, the persuasion to open our mouth wide, wide enough to admit the freezing panic that will certainly drown us.

All I would like to say is always keep hoping for the good, as the Chinese say, keep a green tree in your heart, the singing bird will surely come! It’s never late or early…all we need is to hope. And the choice is always ours.