Friday, September 30, 2011

Notes For You

I want you to know that what I note down is often not how I feel, and at the same time altogether exactly how I feel.

Today, I have so many words to write but I just can't get them to form correctly in my head. I can't get my ideas onto paper anymore. I miss seeing my fingers fly over the keys. I miss walking out of work with a smile because I came up with the best idea. I miss the sound of rushing water, and the dappled sunbeams that drifts lazily through the trees. I miss clicking. I miss the adventures that came with the click of every frame, I miss creating that magic myself.

But I am also a person, a guy. I want to be loved and held. I want to fight and cry and kiss and laugh.

I want to laugh. I want you to make me laugh. Because you can!

And I'll to write it down and try to remember what it felt like to be in love. How it felt to be completely in love with you. I don't hold back and I will do my best to be honest. But I am an artist and an artist lives within a watchfully made fantasy. They may have a life outside of this fantasy, but to the artist that is not their reality. That is not who they are. Not truly who they are to themselves. And no one will ever know of this complex fantasy, because that's when things fall apart that cannot be put back together again.

I want to lay in the grass, I want to fall asleep in your arms. I want to feel you kiss my neck and feel your arms pull me closer to you. I want to be close to you. I want to be your mystery. I don't ever want the puzzle of you to spell it out for me.

I forgot to laugh like I used to. I forgot to jump around. I forgot to chat with my friends for long hours. I forgot how it was to go out friends. I forgot how it was to be happy and mesmerizing, because I created, clicked or wrote something nice. The colours, the nature, innocence, and beauty nothing seems to captivate me anymore.

I don't want to let you know that I drown in your memory; I don't want to let this go. Wish I had the courage to lie to you. But I don't. Because I can’t lie to you.

Come and take me away to my Dreamland again!! This land is dry, sour n rough!!

1 comment:

V Rakesh said...

I know how this feels, Arpan...... I know this very well...... One has to hope and continue to live in hope, always and all ways!